Sacred Surrender Nov 2016

50th Birthday musings (written in Nov 2016) – the gifts in letting go of the “Shoulds”

How are you going to celebrate your 50th birthday?  they asked

 It felt like a long to–do list after our wedding in August. if I’m honest, I struggled with the conditioning of “Have big birthday, must throw a party” guilt. I kind of felt like I had to. What would it mean if I didn´t?

I thought back to my 40th year and how I had celebrated. The most relevant thing was that I decided that I would do all the things I had been dreaming about and saying “Some Day” so:

 I went to spend a week with a woman who communicates with Dolphins on the Big Island in Hawaii. We swam with wild Dolphins every day and my heart was full – interacting with Dolphins in the wild with the amazing Joan Ocean. It had been a “Some Day” for 10 years.

 Then, I did special trips with my close mates each with a special purpose:

 Staying in a Scottish Castle and Edinburgh; a walking tour through Tuscany; a visit to treasured spa´s and luxurious hotels in the Cape Winelands. A girlie trip to the best hotel in Dublin (or more rightly, their Champagne bar) Oh, and and a great party too but when I think back – its the travel I remember most.

 So I dared to ask the juiciest question: If the party thing is just conditioning and you get to make a new choice and you give yourself permission to celebrate YOUR day in YOUR way, what are you in the mood for?

Happy Birthday to me was the year being part of Katelyn Edgar´s Mastermind. Two magnificent retreats, in Mexico and Canada. My pleasure and joy cup was full.

Back to my actual birthday…

 Ceremony and celebration: alone and with my husband. I knew both would be magical and full of love.

 And so it was. A me day and an us night. Heavenly!

I let go of what I thought I should do and did what was in my heart and here is what I received.

 My gorgeous friends throwing me a DIVINE surprise party; A Priestess Initiation, a glittery white lotus flower (a real blessing because I wished for a white lotus flower for my alter less than a week ago), tons of beautiful messages from all the awesome peeps I know all over the world and heartfelt yummy gifts. And most importantly, I felt completely fulfilled because of my me day and us night. Blessed and Blissed out.

 There was a time I would have had the party, ticked off all the things I would think I should do and felt drained, exhausted and disappointed.

 No more. Now I know that my fulfilment, my prosperity, the quality of my love and connection; my health – all comes from my Inner Goddess so it makes sense to me to honour her first and foremost despite all the conditioning I had to do the opposite.  

 Give it a whirl. Make a decision on what YOU really want to do instead of doing what you usually do through habit, conditioning or obligation. Give yourself permission and make your thing sacred. Feel into, lights some candles, do a ceremony, make things meaningful and magical. And then do your thing with joy. Play, have fun, just BE.

 And in that space. That’s when the gifts come.

 Stop being busy and do the real work! That is when you THRIVE.